Friday, July 14, 2006

musical chairs

I am pretty sure about things at the moment. Or at least as sure as I get. Thusly, I havent posted recently, but I fell that I should try to post regularly. Trey messaged Anthony today pretty much hitting on him. When he found out that Tony and I were talking and that I was getting ready to leave Shane [I think it'd be for the best] he asked for Shane's number. Its kinda akward to be trying to hook up Trey who i barely know with my boyfriend, but I am sure that I want to be with Anthony. I finally talked to Shane tonight, but couldn't break up with him. I might visit him at work one night and do it in person.

A swap. Trey gets Shane and I get Anthony. I hope it works itself out.

I look forward to Anthony's return from Florida on Monday, but dread it at the same time. The basis of our relationship has been online instant messaging so I don't know if we will have the same dynamic in person. I don't want this to go badly and I don't want to disappoint him. I think he is insecure about his appearance, while I am insecure about my mind. I don't understand what he see in me most days. I figure that the fact that I may be fun to look at may detract attention from the rest of me and my flaws.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006


It's funny how quickly time flies by. I still think of myself as being young - a boy even. But I am legally an adult. Not so long ago I would have been lying baout my age to older guys and now I'm the older guy. ChantaƩ works with a kid named Zack that has a MAJOR crush on me. He seems pretty cool and he's a total twink, but he is only 15. He wont be of legal age in Georgia (16) until the end of January. I was actually contemplating having a threesome with him and Shane, but imagine how messy Zacks emotions would have been afterward. We've only been talking for a few days and he's pretty much fallen for me. He's cute, but not cute enough to go to jail for. I feel so old.