Sunday, June 25, 2006

...where are we going?

I'm in kind of a wierd mood right now. I suppose all this talk about love with Georgia has gotten me looking [a bit too deeply] at my own relationships. I really like Shane, at least more so than I've liked most people, but at the same time our relationship seems pretty superficial. [While at the same time, I'm having this amazing new friendship with Anthony.] Shane initially thought I was hot. OK, great. But for years I always thought that he was striaght. I only barely knew him through our friend Erin and I thought he was interested in her. Then, maybe a month or so before we are supposed to be graduating, I find out that he's gay and that he's had a crush on me. I don't know why he never told me since he knew i liked guys and he wasn't at all obvious. Whatever. Learning about his sexuality kinda made him intriging, but I wouldn't say I was terribly interested in him. We talked and the situation didn't change for a few weeks, but oddly enough I grew really fond of him. The thing is, though, now that we are official we don't talk like we used to... or nearly as often. I don't want to be clingly or bothersome, but its not nearly the same anymore. I still adore him and it isn't as if we've been dating forever, but I really believe that I have realtionship ADHD. Anthony and I have been talking every night only and we have amazing conversations that I'm not sure Shane and I could. I'm pretty sure that Anthony is falling for me and I think that I could potentially fall for him. Also I am very uncertain about what the future holds for Shane and me because he will be here going to school and I will be in Athens at UGA. I just can't be certain. I want to see where this is going, but I can't help but to [always] feel like I am wasting my time.

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